07 January 2008

LIW-Style Catechism

Q: What is your name?
A: Linguist-in-Waiting.

Q: What is in your head?
A: A soft grey-colored membrance commonly known as a brain.

Q: You know what I mean. What are you thinking?
A: I am thinking that I am happy.

Q: Why are you happy?
A: Because I never realized that I would see the snow melt in January.

Q: Where are you right now?
A: In the Health Science Library.

Q: What are you doing there?
A: Answering your questions.

Q: Are you sure?
A: I am positive.

Q: I know you are also doing something else.
A: I am writing a blog entry.

Q: Why are you writing a blog entry this way?
A: Just because.

Q: Every thing must have a reason, don't you agree?
A: I never intended this to be a philosophical entry.

Q: But is this your typical writing style?
A: No. Not at all.

Q: Then whose writing style is this?
A: No one in particular.

Q: But aren't you imitating someone by writing this entry in this style?
A: I might be emulating James Joyce, but I am not sure.

Q: Do you like James Joyce?
A: Not very much, but I've read a novel of his.

Q: Which one?
A: I don't think that is a proper question.

Q: Why do you not think it is a proper question?
A: Because there is only one novel that Joyce has written which is a necessary read.

Q: And that is?
A: Ulysses, of course.

Q: Are you trying to promote it?
A: No.

Q: Then why are you writing your blog entry for today in the style that Joyce used in Ithaca?
A: Simply because I have a skewed sense of humour.

Q: How do you know that you have a skewed sense of humour?
A: Because nobody told me that I don't have a skewed sense of humour.

Q: So you concluded that based on negative elimination?
A: If that is the legal term for it, then yes.

Q: Do you like having a skewed sense of humour?
A: I don't think I have a choice.

Q: So you are saying that humour is genetic?
A: I am a linguist, not a geneticist.

Q: Why do you answer my questions indirectly?
A: Because I am not pragmatically random.

Q: What do you mean by being pragmatically random?
A: One is pragmatically random if one is asked if they can open the window and respond by saying, yes, they physically can.

Q: Ah, like the coffee shop incident you had?
A: Well yes, and I am curious as to why you know that.

Q: I am your alter ego, remember?
A: So you are saying that I am talking to myself?

Q: I am the one supposed to ask the questions, but yes.
A: In that case, this may be another symptom of my skewed sense of humour.

Q: You might want to see a psychotherapist.
A: Why do you say that?

Q: Again, I am the one supposed to ask the questions.
A: Oh.

Q: Do you always talk to yourself like this?
A: No. Not really.

Q: Do you see imaginary people?
A: How would I know whether the people I see are imaginary or not?

Q: Have you watched A Beautiful Mind?
A: Yes.

Q: What do you think of it?
A: Am I supposed to promote it?

Q: Again, I am the one supposed the ask the question. Answer the question.
A: I vaguely remember it now. I saw it a long long time ago.

Q: Do you like to see it again?
A: No.

Q: Do you like to see movies in general?
A: Yeah, but I would prefer theater nowadays than movies.

Q: Why is that?
A: Because movies are always there, but theater doesn't always come available.

Q: Are you planning to see a production in the near future?
A: I am waiting for the university's theater department to stage their shows.

Q: Are you taking somebody to the production?
A: Sometimes I do.

Q: Who?
A: I believe that is irrelevant.

Q: Do you think this is an interrogation?
A: I have a feeling it is starting to be one.

Q: Then why don't you stop this conversation?
A: I think I will.



(Steel beams, from my Brooklyn Bridge Series)

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