17 January 2016

What Next?

I've been running this blog for more than a decade now. As the years go by, there have been plenty of changes here, not only in the blog, but also in myself. Sometimes, I think, do I still have a purpose with respect to running this blog? In other words, do I still want to continue?

See, when I first started this blog, it was in 2005, and it was a time when I had quite plenty of things to say. I was starting graduate school, and moving to a new city, living by myself for the very first time. I was this dazzled young 23-year-old heading out to the world on his own for the first time, and I wanted to write things down and chronicle it. I remember blogging every day, almost, and writing about mundane stuff, writing about what I did that day, what I ate, how I felt, little things like that. While I guess I found it therapeutic to write such things back then, I guess if you ask me now, then I would rather shut up now than write everything happening around me down.

There was another purpose for the blog, at least back then. I remember having a different blog several years before, but eventually I closed it down, because my parents found out about it. At that time, I wanted it to be personal, a secret, some place where I could write all of my thoughts down, without fear of repercussion or anything. Since I wasn't open to my parents back then (even now, actually), I didn't feel like I could say everything I wanted to say to my parents. So I figured I'd have this secret diary, except they found out about it. So I closed it down. They told me that if a blog is theoretically accessible by anyone, then surely they could read it too.

I guess that made sense. So I thought about that issue quite a lot when I started the current blog. So this current blog started with a dash of censorship. I wrote quite a bit, but there were things that I wasn't saying. I knew that my parents found out about this second blog as well, and I guess it became an easy conduit of information. Since they were living far away, they could easily read my blog and find out something about me. So instead of them calling me over the phone (somehow that was a habit that eventually stopped), they would just read my blog and have the assurance that everything is okay with me. That way, we don't have to align time zones anymore, they could just connect to the Internet and read about me.

I do remember them calling me in Buffalo a couple of times. But it never continued. I don't know why. Oh well.

2008 was a turning point. This was when I finally decided to leave the cult of Jehovah's Witnesses, where I belonged to for as long as I could remember. Suddenly, one obstacle was removed. All of these mental conflicts I had with respect to religion can now be written down, without me fearing that someone out there would rat me out and attempt to chastise me for my spiritual sickness, so to speak. The same thing happened in 2013, when I finally came out to the closet to all the people who needed to know. Now I pretty much can write anything I want in the blog, without the fear or apprehension that there might be people out there who will read this but shouldn't.

So what next? I have expressed this thought before, but now that everything is out in the open, somehow I feel like I want to privatize my life. Regress and have less of a public presence. I guess that's just a part of growing up, no?

I suppose I already started doing that here in the blog. I already reduced my publishing schedule, from a schedule of almost every day back when I started, to a steady once every other day at the moment. To be honest, I am thinking of further reducing it, but I am not sure yet, maybe I still have enough things to say. That being said, every other post is a travel post, with mostly pictures. I still would like to showcase the places I have visited, so at least that aspect of the blog will still remain. Plus, there are the blog posts about theatre, music, and books, where it is mostly a review of these occasions, as opposed to about me. So in a month, of the 15 posts that I publish a month, 8 of those are travelogues, and of the remaining 7, there are plenty of book and theatre and musical reviews in there. So the couple of posts are what's left for me to talk about myself.

But sometimes I still feel that that is too much.

See, I have quite a few email friends. These are friends who are not in the close vicinity, and therefore I have a routine of writing emails to these folks on a regular basis. So I think even without the blog, there is a way of sharing important moments about my life to the people who care to know. So what that leaves me is a blog to put down thoughts, rants, things that I just need to put out there for the wide world to see. But for the most part, most of the personal stuff will be gone.

In short, I think I will still write about issues that make me think, but I think the personal updates will be reduced to a bare minimum.

So yeah, I think I will still continue blogging, but for the most part, this is a travel diary and a soapbox rolled into one. And about my personal life? Those will just be shared via emails.

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