17 March 2006

Chemical Imbalance

Uugghh, I hate it. Life for me is so slow at the moment. It is so slow that it seems that that sun that I can see shining through my window is taking ages to set. Where is everybody? Where is the activity? I hate this feeling, I am so flatlined right now.

I definitely have a chemical imbalance in my brain. Recalling my Psychology 101 class two years ago, chemical imbalances up there can create highs and lows, although I do not remember which relevant neurotransmitters are involved in the process.

I definitely am in a low right now.

I cannot wait for this week to end.

I cannot wait for next week to start. I cannot wait for classes to begin. I cannot wait for pressure to strike. I cannot wait for the hustle and bustle to recommence.

Maybe it is so evident that I am not suited for rural living.

But then this lifestyle carries on a health risk: people living in fast-paced environs die earlier.

But I feel like I am going to die if I am stagnant like this!

I always get depressed during mid-semester breaks. Even when I was an undergrad, whenever it is mid-semester break, sometimes I would just find myself sitting in my bed staring at the ceiling. Doing nothing. Getting up. Sitting down again. Watching TV. Turning it off. Going outside the house. Getting inside again. And repeat.

I feel the same way today. And add to that, I am alone, with no one to talk to.

I feel like banging my head to the wall.

Then there are the worries that I need to attend to. I just did my federal tax returns earlier, crunching myself with numbers that I do not understand. I also need to look for housing next Fall, in a season where it seems that everyone offers openings for the Summer only. I also need to find a sublettor to this current apartment, as I won't be occupying it for the Summer since I am out of the country. I also need to worry about next school year's instructorships/assistantships for me, and my funding.

Maybe I need a bottle of Stolichnaya, instead of banging my head to the wall.

On second thought, I need to bring my passport when I buy one, since I don't look like like 21, when in reality, I will turn 24 this summer.

**bangs head in the wall**


  1. hahaha! nakakatawa basahin ito ah. ayan, pampalipas oras kamo? eh di find a date habang sembreak! :)

  2. Oh, you sound desperate - but don't worry!
    I guess you still suffer on the consequences/altereffects of the flu. I know that feeling too: it's like a psychic stagnation. The next step after it usually is 'something new', perhaps in your behaviour or in your mind/in your thoughts/mental attitudes.
    But don't expect a revolution - it's simply the next step on your way...

    You should take care of a balance between mind and emotion and sensuality, I still said it once.

    Enjoy the sun! Feel the nice spring air outside! It's weekend.

  3. Cheer up - all will be back to it's usual busy self soon!

  4. you need a good dose of Serotonin my friend. *mentally sends good vibes your way*.

    You can find Serotonin in most carb rich foods.. but the effects only lst a few hours at the most (which is why chocloate feels so good to eat). but you can try eating high carb high natural sugar foods like an apple or pear every few hours and see if that helps.

    just a suggestion.

    Take care of yourself, hopefullythings will look up for you soon.

  5. I don't know much about what you normally write, but what I see, I like. Particularly the cartoons and the L.I.N.G.U.I.S.T. acronym.

    Glad you got your OPP back.