23 April 2009

Insane Inventions

The life of a graduate student can be boring at times, since most of the time, we either sit in front of a computer and write, or work in a lab running experiments. Some graduate students choose to head to the field, most of the time, in a remote area, and conduct a long-term study. At least, that is how research is done in my field.

So sometimes, in order to amuse themselves, graduate students think of things that usually do not exist in the current world. With this, I present to you my insane inventions.

Do you have headaches? Sometimes, the headaches would be so bad that you wish you had your head chopped off. So, perhaps the idea of a drive-through guillotine would not be so bad. You know, if you find yourself driving on the road one day, and then you have this one really really bad headache, so you see this drive-through guillotine shop. Just like a McDonald's, you simply pull up the curb, drive through, undergo the guillotine, and there! Your headache is gone!

Another invention perhaps is the body transplant procedure. You know, sometimes, when we have a failing heart, we can undergo a heart transplant, a kidney transplant for a failing kidney, a liver transplant for a failing liver. However, sometimes, the whole package just fails. So what if we can undergo a body transplant? Everything about you that is not attached to the body can be transferred to a new body. The way you talk, the way you move your face, your mannerisms, your personality and memories, they can all be transferred to a new body. That would be great! Not only would it be great if people want to try living as a different sex, but it also has great health benefits as well. If one is dangerously obese, that the fat cells are so all over the place and threatening one's health, then one can simply have a body transplant and get a new body, disposing the old one!

The final invention for today doesn't really have much use, but it is one that is inspired by a sign I saw in the T-shirt shop on campus today. Say a lady was looking for ladies pants. So she asks the store clerk where the ladies pants are, and then she was directed to the toy section. The lady went there, but obviously, there wasn't anything clothing related. However, the clerk pointed her to the shelves, where indeed, there was a series of black little boxes there, labeled "Ladies Pants". Apparently, this little black box has a lid, like a Jack-in-the-Box, and when the lady opened it, she heard something, along the lines of "hhhahh, hhahh, hhahh, hhahh, hhahh..."

(Convoluted Man, from my National Gallery of Art Series)


  1. Did you take drugs? :D

    For the guillotine, you may need to ask French people permission. Granted, we don't use it anymore, but a while ago, lots of people had their headache cured that way. After that, Aspirin was invented

  2. Zhu,

    Haha, of course, copyright will be given to those who own the original idea. And no, I am not on drugs. I don't need special chemical combinations to induce chemical firings in my brain to alter my mood. I suppose if I do not self-humour myself, I'd go mad, so this is a good thing, actually.